This is part of our safeguarding insights section. Our aim is to provide you with a broader understanding of a specific topic through a researched and referenced article that contributes towards your professional development and ensures that you can support your staff accordingly.
| 20 minute read | DSLs and Safeguarding Teams |
What you need to know in 60 seconds
This Safeguarding Insight is drawn from a recent publication by the Centre of Expertise on Child Sexual Abuse. Alongside child-on-child or peer sexual abuse, sibling sexual abuse is likely to be the most common form of sexual abuse of children, perhaps three times more likely than parental abuse, yet receives little attention. We tend to see safety in sibling relationships, an aspect of professional dangerousness that reduces our ability to identify risk and can inhibit young people coming forward to let us know about their experiences. However, if we put aside our prejudices about these relationships and look at this from a purely risk assessed model there are a number of factors that in any other situation would raise concern:
- Children at different ages and stages of sexual development with strong power differentials
- Some young people at an age where they are experimenting with relationships and their bodies
- Parental figures not perceiving any risk and at times delegate care giving roles and significant authority to older children for the younger children with at times limited oversight
- Lots of opportunity in spending intensive time together which increases at times of family difficulty (such as during a pandemic, or where there is preoccupation with adult needs around income, work, relationships, mental health, substance misuse and so on)
- A relationship commonly featuring younger child idolising older children, perhaps being willing to do anything to gain their attention
A more analytic viewpoint highlights the potential for risk and the importance of raising awareness across families and young people to reduce the potential for children to be put into these risky situations without adult care and oversight. Families should work towards providing a safe framework for the development of potentially the longest lasting relationships we will ever experience.
Sibling sexual abuse: A knowledge and practice overview (Yates & Allardyce, 2021) summarises some of the challenges raised in working with these families where issues arise and how at times we can present a “confused and confusing” professional response.
Prevalence, patterns and vulnerability
The most common form of abuse is from an older brother to a younger sister, but brother-brother, sister-sister and sister-brother abuse also occurs. In an American study the average age gap between siblings for abuse reported to law enforcement was 5.5 years, with 8 being the average age of the younger siblings. While the data is inconclusive, it is thought that around 15% of young people have engaged in sexual behaviour with their siblings, around a third of which may be abusive. This would mean there is a child in most classrooms affected by sibling abuse.
The abuse that occurs on average commences earlier, lasts longer and is more intrusive than sexual abuse outside of the family. It is less likely to be disclosed and when combined with other barriers such as disability or being outside the majority culture even less so. While abuse can occur in otherwise protective families, factors such as intrafamilial sexual abuse, domestic abuse, extra-marital affairs, physical chastisement, and poor supervision or sexual boundaries increase the likelihood of sibling sexual abuse.
Of particular concern during the context of lockdown are environmental factors such as babysitting younger siblings, unstructured/unsupervised time and the ready availability of inappropriate online content (the Internet Watch Foundation saw a 50% rise in public reports of online abuse during lockdown 1). Recent studies have highlighted both increased risk and reduced likelihood of disclosures during such times.
Impact
The importance of sibling relationships is often undervalued in our appreciation and assessment of family relationships. Not only do these have the potential to be the longest relationships we will have in our lives, longer than both parental and intimate adult relationships, but they are often more intense in childhood and usually lack the parental authority/boundary behaviours as children and young people learn what it is to relate to one another through trial and error.
Siblings may act as attachment figures, role models, playmates and rivals for each other, with their relationships involving teaching, teasing, playing, arguing, nurturing, conflict, hostility and scapegoating… Through these relationships, children may learn skills such as reasoning, being empathic, perspective-taking, negotiation and conflict resolution, as well as developing their sense of self, identity and self-esteem. The exercise of power and control is often a feature of sibling relationships.
Yates & Allardyce (2021)
The research uses different language to describe young people than the DfE guidance Keeping Children Safe in Education. The authors believe the perpetrator-victim mindset creates unhelpful links to adult offending when adult sex offending has such a different profile. Instead, they talk about children who have harmed and children who have been harmed. The DfE guidance recognises there may be issues around self-definition for ‘victims’, ‘perpetrators’ may be ‘victims’ too and staff should “think very carefully about terminology, especially when speaking in front of children” and determine for themselves the terminology to be used on a case-by-case basis.
Sibling relationships have the potential to be extraordinarily healthy training grounds for later life and for many create lifelong bonds and valued interdependencies. Early years settings, schools and colleges are often in an important position of knowing and understanding all the characters. Where staff are alert to the potentiality of these relationships we can foster greater achievements for both older and younger siblings. Staff can also have increased awareness of less healthy dynamics between siblings – the pressures of being a young carer, bullying or child on child abuse, and sexual behaviour. The description of the relationship between siblings is a crucial part of understanding family dynamics, an essential addendum to the quality of care being offered by parents.
The unrestrained and intense nature of sibling relationships can lead to increased frequency of sexual behaviours, intrusiveness and secrecy. As in other areas of intrafamilial sexual abuse power and relationship is misused to reduce the chance the child who has been harmed will tell others, to avoid getting your siblings into trouble, to feel special with the attention being given, to feel guilt for your involvement. For some children this is their normality, their expectation, and it is a surprise to them that other children have not had similar experiences. They may not show external signs of harm, may be very positive about their siblings but this does not mean they have not been harmed. For others, the knowledge they are being abused can deepen the guilt and reluctance to talk about their lives.
Sibling sexual abuse has the potential to be every bit as harmful as sexual abuse by a parent; it can have both short- and long-term consequences for children’s physical and mental health, and lead to relationship difficulties throughout their lifetime.
Forms of sibling sexual behaviour
The paper divides sibling sexual behaviour into three types:
- normative sexual interactions between siblings – behaviour between young siblings that exists within expected developmental norms
- inappropriate or problematic sexual behaviour involving siblings – behaviour between siblings that falls outside developmental norms and which may cause developmental harm to the children involved
- sibling sexual abuse – behaviour that causes sexual, physical and emotional harm, including sexually abusive behaviour which involves violence.
Hackett (2010) in Yates & Allerdyce (2021)
We will look at each of these areas, aligned to safeguarding guidance, and incorporate examples adapted from the knowledge and practice overview.
Normative sexual behaviours
These are voluntary, light-hearted and playful, diminish if children are told to stop by an adult and are balanced by a curiosity to explore all sorts of other things in the child’s world. They are quite common and do not cause harm – the learning is part of development. It is important that children are able to talk to trusted adults about their experiences, that the adults respond calmly and safely, and that we put in place the boundaries and safety to avoid it becoming problematic.
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Education settings will want to record any such concerns on the safeguarding file and analyse alongside the information they hold. Unless there are other significant factors, in this instance the parent could be advised this seems to have been a sensible approach, that there should be on-going awareness as the children grow up, and that should there be further incidents or other information comes to light they may want to think about seeking further advice.
It is essential not to dismiss sibling sexual abuse as harmless exploration; equally, it is important not to pathologise developmentally normal sexual behaviours between sibling children as exploitative and harmful.
Inappropriate & Problematic Behaviours
While not reaching the threshold for abuse some behaviours are less within the bounds of typical development. Inappropriate behaviour is generally consensual and reciprocal, perhaps acceptable within the child or young person’s peer group, but is out of context. Typically, inappropriate behaviour is a one-off while problematic behaviours can become established.
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In this instance of inappropriate sibling behaviour we are concerned about the mindset of the boy and the impact on the girl. There is also a risk the boy may seek to develop his attraction. Professionals involved will want to establish what happened, what the step-sister thinks and how she can be supported, how the parents have responded and the protective actions put in place. It is perhaps positive that the text has been shared – understanding how this occurred and whether the young people feel able to approach trusted adults for advice is important. We should talk to the family to understand more about any other factors in the family, areas of relationship & sex education at home and how the family understand themselves together. While on the basis of just this information (and you will want to understand whether there have been previous incidents) no offence has been committed as a one-off situation, if this were part of a pattern or were to continue it may become sexual harassment. Again, the school will record the information on the safeguarding file – and in line with the DfE Guidance, Keeping Children Safe in Education, if it had happened within school time the school would be considering the implications of its behaviour policy.
In addressing the behaviours the parent and the school will want to
- identify who is best placed to talk to the young people,
- ensure they understand why the behaviour is inappropriate,
- avoid making them feel shame,
- set clear and realistic boundaries,
- encourage strategies around self-control and positive emotional expression, and
- establish a plan to increase safety.
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From the perspective of the research, with younger children Yates & Allerdice suggest, “low-level problematic sexual behaviour should be responded to in line with other challenging behaviours; this requires adults to be specific about naming and describing the behaviour, pointing out to the child its impact on others, and developing individualised strategies to reduce the likelihood of repetition”. These might include a set of house rules, agreements about who are the safe people to talk to if you are worried, levels of supervision or access to bedrooms, and on-going relationship and sex education.
This example of problematic sexual behaviour also raises questions about levels of supervision, relationship education and underlying factors such as what the children may have been exposed to, so warrants further enquiries. The teacher will want to ensure they follow their child protection procedures, discussing the situation with the Designated Safeguarding Lead, consider talking to the parents and making a referral to children’s social care. With parental agreement this could potentially be early help, or may necessitate a section 47 enquiry. Again, understanding the children’s world, their relationships to one another and the adults in their lives, the contextual or environmental issues affecting the home are key both to intervening and deciding the best approach to take.
The boundary between inappropriate or problematic sexual behaviours and sexual abuse can at times be marginal and needs careful analysis with your Designated Safeguarding Lead. Similar behaviours in different contexts or at different ages and stages may warrant different responses. Similarly, repeated behaviours over time may constitute sexual abuse. Where unsure education settings should follow their child protection procedures and seek advice.
Sibling sexual abuse
Sexual abuse in essence “involves forcing or enticing a child or young person to take part in sexual activities” (Working Together). Yates & Allerdyce note, “the factor that primarily characterises sibling sexual behaviour as abusive is the exploitation of power for sexual objectives… even where age differences are small”. Identifying abusive or harmful behaviour will be based on our understanding of child development, positive developmental experiences and our understanding of consent and exploitation. All staff in early years settings, schools and colleges should be trained to recognise sexual violence and sexual harassment and all establishments have a clear and established approach to responding to such concerns.
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The age differential and intrusiveness of the act identifies this as sibling sexual abuse. It may constitute assault by penetration under s2 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. Immediate action needs to be taken to protect the child from his sister. The information already shared will need to be recorded in the young people’s own words, the DSL notified and an immediate referral made to children’s social care. A strategy meeting will need to be held the same day and consideration will be given to a Police investigation. Children’s social care will also need to investigate and ensure the family put in place a robust plan to prevent further abuse. The school or college will need to consider how the information is sensitively managed to protect both the young people (including the identity of the younger child), and to work with the friendship group to ensure everyone is kept safe.
Recognising a potentially abusive situation may be the tip of the iceberg. Professionals should be open to abuse having occurred over a long period. There may have a building up of inappropriate or problematic behaviours, from non-contact sexual abuse (such as seeking opportunities to see the sibling being harmed nude) through to forming an abusive relationship, sexual touching or rape. Avoid making assumptions or judgements – our role at these times is to listen to the student, asking open questions for clarification and provide them with emotional support.
Education settings should always follow their child protection procedures if they think a child may have been sexually abused and a referral must be made to the local authority. Look to the immediate safety of the child or young person, speak to the DSL or a deputy and make a record of what you have been told or observed. Typically this will be about observations – Ofsted and the NSPCC highlight numerous barriers to children disclosing abuse, but where this does happen the practitioner should use, as far as possible, the child’s own words. The setting should then ensure a referral is made to children’s social care with a request for a strategy discussion and assessment.
Understanding family responses
When identified, sibling sexual abuse is commonly experienced as a crisis within the family. The whole family is usually affected, including siblings not directly harmed in the abuse. The responses of all family members need to be understood as having an impact on each other; they cannot be understood in isolation. Parents/carers can feel that they are in an impossible situation, torn between the needs of the child who has harmed and the child who has been harmed. They may commonly experience shame and denial, and feel overwhelmed. It is vital that services do not inappropriately pathologise what may be the family’s coping strategies, but help family members process and make sense of this new information about their family. Parents/carers need support and emotional containment in order to be able to offer appropriate support to all the children within the family. Central to offering effective family support is an understanding of culture in the context of the family system, and the role that family culture may offer in terms of support and recovery.
Yates & Allardyce (2021)
Parents in particular have a wide array of potential responses, from collusion or denial through to ejecting the child who has harmed. Sometimes they think they are in an impossible position, perhaps feeling shame and self-blame and it is important to work with families to reflect on their experience. This allows some processing of the event, sometimes self-discovery of links with their own childhood, and to acknowledge that initial denial and secrecy may be normal reactions to such a critical event… “a failure to report may not indicate a failure to protect”.
In addition to the impact on those directly affected by the abuse, siblings of the children also sometimes communicate the impact of trauma, separation and anxiety impacting on social relationships and educational performance.
Understanding professional responses
For the professionals involved, sibling sexual abuse challenges commonly held conceptions of what children, families and sibling relationships are like, as well as our understanding of what constitutes sexual abuse. The complexity of sibling sexual abuse and the challenges it raises can often lead to confused and confusing responses by the team around the child and the family, with professionals under or overestimating its seriousness, or vacillating between minimal and punitive responses.
Yates & Allardyce (2021)
Reflecting the confused dynamics within families, aspects of professional dangerousness around denial, disbelief or minimisation often occur, often with professionals looking for a ‘clear disclosure’ which may never come from the affected children. It’s crucial we reflect on our position as adults and professionals and take the responsibility to understand and act upon the concerning behaviours, using sound supervision and analysis against the legal framework, evidence base and observations to guide our practice. The perception of sibling abuse as of lesser seriousness, cultural norms, unconscious bias toward the positivity of sibling relationships and the normalising of abuse as ‘experimentation’ reduces the potential for agencies to take prompt and effective action.
Equally, feelings of disgust or anger that may arise from sibling sexual abuse also cause problems, potentially leading to “disproportionate and risk-averse, single agency reactions”
Yates & Allerdyce adapt earlier work to describe the professional approaches most helpful to people experiencing abuse and trauma:
They need to offer:
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This approach is extended to all members of the family, including the young person who may have harmed. Respectful relationships do not collude with or minimise the abuse – they are honest and boundaried – but neither to they castigate the young person or allow them to become a target for projection of our own or the family’s difficult or unpleasant feelings. This is emotionally strenuous and challenging work as feelings can be strong in this work, so it is crucial the DSL and those working directly with families and young people at risk receive reflective supervision and support.
This is complex work and Sibling sexual abuse: A knowledge and practice overview highlights the need in some cases for a detailed assessment of children’s sexual behaviour (from Chaffin et al, 2002:208). Education settings may need to encourage the commitment of a suitable resource where sexual behaviour:
- occurs at a frequency greater than would be developmentally expected
- interferes with the child’s development
- occurs with coercion, intimidation or force
- is associated with emotional distress
- occurs between children of divergent ages or developmental abilities, or
- repeatedly recurs in secrecy after intervention by caregivers.
Ensuring safety following a concern
Effective intervention requires a coordinated, multi-agency approach, involving families as partners in the decision-making. This requires careful contracting around confidentiality and good communication between the professionals involved.
Yates & Allardyce (2021)
In 2023, the CSA Centre published Sibling sexual behaviour: A summary guide to responding to inappropriate, problematic and abusive behaviour - a guide for professionals working with children and families to help them identify, understand and respond effectively to sibling sexual behaviour, assist decision-making in line with current evidence relating to this issue and help navigate key decisions at the various stages of a case.
The potential for re-abuse without a sound plan is high – earlier research by Yates found there were more incidents of concerning sexual behaviour between children in eight of nine cases where siblings continued to live together or have unsupervised contact. He highlights the mindset ‘siblings are better together’ overrides analytic judgement and the focus of protecting the child who has been harmed.
Plans should therefore:
- Make the impact and likelihood of the risk explicit and consider how awareness of the risk will be maintained over time
- Enable parents and carers to adopt a balanced stance, taking proportionate action to protect all the children in the family and deal with the emotional impact of events as they continue to unfold
- Be practical and detailed around the physical and sexual safety of each of the children in the household
- Consider the emotional needs of each of the children and the adults
- Assist the young person who has harmed to understand the boundaries, their development and the needs of others in the family, prosocial (empathy) development, the development of practical strategies to reduce risk and improve self-control and emotional expression
- Develop children and young people’s skills to recognise inappropriate sexual behaviour and take action to protect themselves
- Address unhelpful dynamics and build on positive relationships
- Recognise the role of culture and how a stronger, safer culture can be implemented
The good news is that there is no inevitable likelihood that sibling sexual abuse leads to adult sexual abuse: these young people are not ‘mini adult sex offenders’. With a plan that has strong, safe boundaries and protective factors, including physical and relational barriers to prevent further abuse, together with an effective, empathic, well-supported intervention, we can engage in work to support the healthier development of these young people going forward.
What can schools do?
- Schools and colleges have core duties to deliver Relationships and sex education and health education which will include many elements to safeguard young people, such as age-appropriate discussions about the body, consent, self-protection and identifying a trusted adult.
- Ensure staff working with children and young people recognise the prevalence, impact and opportunities to intervene in sibling sexual abuse alongside the value sibling relationships offer for healthy development and attainment.
- Talk about, observe and reflect on sibling relationships. Look and listen for indicators of concern.
- Sensitively share learning about risk in sibling relationships with parents and carers in your setting. Identify additional environmental risk factors (such as the pressures on older siblings to provide care during lockdown) and share good parenting practice tips to reduce the risk.
- Take an analytic, risk focused approach to understanding allegations and concerns about sibling sexual behaviours. Incorporate the nomenclature of normative, inappropriate, problematic and abusive behaviours to help guide your response. Structure your recording effectively to explain the reasons for your decisions but avoid adding personal views.
- Recognise the limits of your professional competence. Where unsure seek expert advice and if you are concerned a child or young person may be suffering or likely to suffer sexual abuse always refer to children’s social care. Where there are allegations of abuse or one of the criteria outlined by Chaffin (above) are met advocate strongly for a detailed assessment.
- Use your insight of the children involved to contribute to and challenge the robustness of an effective plan to keep everyone in the family safe.
- Use supervision to challenge bias that reduces our ability to identify or intervene effectively with sibling sexual behaviours.
- Be empowered to provide safe, trusting, collaborative relationships that empower students and parents to gain the autonomy and skills needed to take control of their lives.
